My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
