My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
