I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
