And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
