Three words: puerto rican gang bang
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
