I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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