I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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