I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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