i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
