He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
