so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
