my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
