Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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