Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
