i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
