if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
