the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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