Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
