Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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