Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
