you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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