is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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