and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
