Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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