I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
