you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
