Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
