I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
