I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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