I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
