my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
