the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
