Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
