I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
