Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
