I feel great
I just peed on a car
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
