So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
