I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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