from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
