The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
