I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
