Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
