Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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