opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
