Apparently you make a good broom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
