You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well you can't waste a boner
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
