Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
