i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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