I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you never un-have a 4some
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
