nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
